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A Trio Of Bronson Goodness
posted Friday, 6 April 2007
A Brief Excerpt from 1958's Brick Bronson and the Land That Time Misplaced By Stoney M. Badess
“But I swear it was a dinosaur, Mr. Bronson! Why won’t you believe me?”
“Because dinosaurs aren’t real, Timmy. They’re mythological creatures created by atheists to trick good, God-loving common folk into falling for the lie that is evolution.”
“Then what do you think ate our sherpa?”
“I dunno,” Brick shrugged. “A yeti?”
“Okay, so you’re telling me that you don’t believe in dinosaurs, but you have no problem with Abominable Snowmen?”
“Your question implies that you think my position is unreasonable. Are you a communist, Timmy?”
“No sir!”
“Then get the dogsled ready. We’ve got yeti on our tail!”
“Because dinosaurs aren’t real, Timmy. They’re mythological creatures created by atheists to trick good, God-loving common folk into falling for the lie that is evolution.”
“Then what do you think ate our sherpa?”
“I dunno,” Brick shrugged. “A yeti?”
“Okay, so you’re telling me that you don’t believe in dinosaurs, but you have no problem with Abominable Snowmen?”
“Your question implies that you think my position is unreasonable. Are you a communist, Timmy?”
“No sir!”
“Then get the dogsled ready. We’ve got yeti on our tail!”
A Brief Excerpt from 1964's Brick Bronson and the British Invasion By Stoney M. Badess
“I’m sorry Miss, but I was looking for my youthful sidekick, Timmy Timmerly.”
“It’s me, Brick! Don’t you recognize me?”
“Not with that haircut, I don’t.”
“But this is how all of the boys are wearing their hair these days! It’s totally fab!”
“It’s what?”
“Fab! It’s short for fabulous. It’s a word all the kids are using.”
“I hate to say it, but you’ve been brainwashed Timmy. Some cult has taken over your delicate young mind. I demand to know this evil group’s terrible name!”
“They’re called The Beatles.”
“Then—for the good of humanity—The Beatles must die!”
“It’s me, Brick! Don’t you recognize me?”
“Not with that haircut, I don’t.”
“But this is how all of the boys are wearing their hair these days! It’s totally fab!”
“It’s what?”
“Fab! It’s short for fabulous. It’s a word all the kids are using.”
“I hate to say it, but you’ve been brainwashed Timmy. Some cult has taken over your delicate young mind. I demand to know this evil group’s terrible name!”
“They’re called The Beatles.”
“Then—for the good of humanity—The Beatles must die!”
A Brief Excerpt from 1974's Brick Bronson and the Nasty Stewardesses By Stoney M. Badess
The Nordic beauty smiled as she unbuttoned her Air Sweden uniform.
“You like my firm Swedish breasts, ya?” she asked Brick seductively.
“Ya,” Brick answered her, his eyes glazed over by the narcotic effects of the drug the seductress had slipped into his drink.
“You want to touch them, ya?”
“Ya.”
“And kiss them and squeeze them, ya?”
“Ya.”
“And then you want to kill President Ford, ya?” she commanded him, certain that he was now in her grasp.
“Nei!” he shouted at her, as he leapt to the dresser drawer where he always kept a spare vial of acid.
“You like my firm Swedish breasts, ya?” she asked Brick seductively.
“Ya,” Brick answered her, his eyes glazed over by the narcotic effects of the drug the seductress had slipped into his drink.
“You want to touch them, ya?”
“Ya.”
“And kiss them and squeeze them, ya?”
“Ya.”
“And then you want to kill President Ford, ya?” she commanded him, certain that he was now in her grasp.
“Nei!” he shouted at her, as he leapt to the dresser drawer where he always kept a spare vial of acid.
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