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Of Carradine, Porn Stars and One Lame-Ass Cartoon--Part Two in a Intermittent Feature
posted Saturday, 17 June 2006
The agonizing thing about being a buff of any sort is how painful it can be when you have to listen to people who clearly know little about the subject of your obsession as they make statement after statement that only serves to highlight the shocking depths of their ignorance. Right now there’s a country music fan seething while he listens to an idiot talk about how they only listen to “good country music—y’know like Shania Twain, Garth Brooks and Toby Keith”; there’s an Edmonton hockey fan forced to watch morons screaming out his favorite team’s name and acting like drunken jackasses even though none of them paid attention to a single game before the play-offs began; there’s a devotee of modern art stopping himself from punching the guy who just suggested that his “...eight year-old could make better art than the stuff they put in those museums.”
For us devotees of bad movies, this form of irritation comes from the folks who think they can impress us because they once watched Tim Burton’s Ed Wood and therefore know all about the “worst movie director of all time.” This is so incredibly annoying for several reasons. The first is that—as great as the movie is—Ed Wood is (as all biopics should be, in my opinion) very loose with the details of Wood’s life and so most people who only know of him through the movie, essentially know nothing about him at all. The second reason it’s so annoying is the fact that Wood was not—by any stretch of the imagination—“the worst director of all time.” Oh, he sucked—he sucked hard—but there are many other films out there that are every bit as incompetently made as Plan 9 From Outer Space.
And while I have no intention on being so bold as to suggest who the true worst director of all time is (I’m tempted to say Jim Jarmusch, because I know it’ll annoy Dan, but I won’t, because even I don’t believe it), but I would like to talk about a film made by a man who would definitely make the shortlist and who has made many films that are every bit as bad as those made by Wood.
Like all of the “worst directors of all time” Fred Olen Ray is a renaissance man. For the past three decades he has written, directed, produced and acted in some of the worst movies ever to go directly to video. He has made films in virtually every genre, including crappy horror movies, crappy kids movies, crappy action movies, crappy comedies, crappy erotic thrillers, crappy softcore sex movies and crappy science fiction movies. Often he goes even further and combines elements from all of these different genres and manages to create a crappy movie that sucks on many different levels.
No matter the genre, though, the “Fred Olen Ray Effect” always applies. This cinematic principal clearly states that no matter what emotional response Ray attempts to get from his audience, the opposite response will occur. So, if he is attempting to make you laugh, you will frown; if he attempts to frighten you, you will feel very relaxed; if he attempts to excite you, you will be bored, etc.
As proof of this I present to you a BFILA he made in 1992 (or, at least, one that was released in 1992). Like several other films he made during the late 80s and early 90s it features David Carradine in a role that could be played in one day and ensured that the actor wouldn’t miss one of his alimony payments. It also features a former member of the cast of Rowan and Martins Laugh-In in a complete pointless role, because Ray knew that having any sort of celebrity in his movie (no matter how minor or has been-ery) would sell tapes1. The film itself is one of those patented-Ray genrebusters I described earlier, combining elements from slasher films, kids films, softcore sex films and the kind of bad comedies that make you want to kill yourself.
Given these diverse elements, it should come as no surprise that out of the film’s five female cast members (if you include Michelle Bauer’s cameo, which I do) four had either at that point or would in the near future appear in XXX rated hardcore pornography. What you have then is a film filled with the kind of acting you expect from a betamax porno tape, with none of the action that makes fast-forwarding through those performances worthwhile.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS CENSORED NUDITY.
I WOULD HAVE LEFT IT UNCENSORED
BUT I FOUND A REALLY FUNNY WAY TO CENSOR THE PICS
AND COULDN'T RESIST USING IT.
Our adventure begins with an eerie a static and over long shot of an atmospheric old mansion the cheapest house Ray could find in Los Angeles that vaguely looked like it predated the Regan administration.
Having established that the house iseerie lame, we are then introduced to the film's star the guy famous enough to get lead billing even though his total onscreen time is less than five minutes (and two and a half of those are made up of completely unnecessary reaction shots).
In his hands he is carrying a book that is not yet named, but which has clearly been designed as a nod to The Evil Dead's Necronomicon Ex Mortis:
But unlike the book in Sam Raimi's much, much, much (emphasis here on the much) better film, this book-with-a-face can actually talk and proceeds to do so in the most unconvincing manner possible! For reasons not explained (ever), Carradine's unnamed character decides that the only way to defeat the book (from, we are left to assume, doing something evil--the movie is kinda vague here) is to hang himself with a noose he conveniently finds in the garage behind the house,
His suicidal scheme apparently works, since the book then vanishes in the kind of cheap optical effect that Ray loves to pass off as high class production values. But before it goes the book insists that it will back. Since we still have no idea what the book actually does, it is kinda hard to take this threat seriously.
At this point, the credits begin to roll. They are cheap and unremarkable, notable only because its credited screenwriter:
Is actually a pseudonym for the director, who apparently was too modest to have his own name appear so many times in the credits (Hey, if Soderbergh can use that excuse, than there's no reason a much less-talented director can't as well). Ray likes pseudonyms and has directed many of his movies under different names. I'm guessing this has more to do with arcane union issues than anything else, but it does suggest the frightening idea that there are movies so bad, even Fred Olen Ray doesn't want his name attached to them. Here's one more piece of trivia regarding our director du jour: he moonlights as a professional wrestler named Freddie Valentine (a name, one must assume, that he came up with by imagining what the offspring of "Classy" Freddie Blasse and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine would be like) and is the champion of his own promotion, AVW, which holds its matches in the back of not very upscale drinking establishments (aka dive bars). Now you know. Share this information with a stranger and you might make a friend!
Meanwhile, the plot starts to begin as we return to the house from the pre-credit sequence, only we know it's now the present day because the for sale sign is tagged with satanic grafitti.
Having clearly established that this is the setting of our tale, we see a white van drive up towards the house. It stops and out comes Burt (popular character actor Dick Miller, who you will recognize even if you've only seen one movie or tv show in your entire life), who takes a--oddly long--moment to stop and stare at the house:
Following his bizarre moment of reflection, he returns to the van and reveals his cargo: he's transportingour lead characters porn stars!
Apparently these four young women have been hired by Burt to clean theominous budgetarily-convenient house over the weekend before its new owners move in. For their hard work the girls are getting paid $100 (each!), which doesn't sound like much, but given how little work they'll end up doing, it's actually pretty reasonable. Burt tells them that the place doesn't have a phone, so if they need to contact him they'll have to talk to the next door neighbor, a fellow named Mr. Hinchlow, but seriously what are the chances of that happening?
Burt then leaves and the girls enter the large mansion, armed only with their cleaning supplies andkeen wits breast implants.
Here in order we have Jan (Stacey Nix), Terry (Suzanne Agar), Roxanne (Madison Stone) and Megan (Monique Gabrielle)2. While the other three look around the house and see what work lies ahead of them, Megan goes back outside to get the rest of their stuff, where she is surprised by a diminutive stranger:
It's hard for me to make fun of this considering how much it looks like the cover of a bunch of my books.
Having established that the house is
Calm down David and repeat after me, "Kill Bill is just 12 years away. Kill Bill is just 12 years away."
In his hands he is carrying a book that is not yet named, but which has clearly been designed as a nod to The Evil Dead's Necronomicon Ex Mortis:
Ray is such a maverick he breaks the first rule of bad movies: Don't remind people of good movies.
But unlike the book in Sam Raimi's much, much, much (emphasis here on the much) better film, this book-with-a-face can actually talk and proceeds to do so in the most unconvincing manner possible! For reasons not explained (ever), Carradine's unnamed character decides that the only way to defeat the book (from, we are left to assume, doing something evil--the movie is kinda vague here) is to hang himself with a noose he conveniently finds in the garage behind the house,
Dude! Don't do it! I told you, in 12 years you'll be cool again!
His suicidal scheme apparently works, since the book then vanishes in the kind of cheap optical effect that Ray loves to pass off as high class production values. But before it goes the book insists that it will back. Since we still have no idea what the book actually does, it is kinda hard to take this threat seriously.
At this point, the credits begin to roll. They are cheap and unremarkable, notable only because its credited screenwriter:
These etchings are actually more frightening than the film's monster. That's not a joke.
Is actually a pseudonym for the director, who apparently was too modest to have his own name appear so many times in the credits (Hey, if Soderbergh can use that excuse, than there's no reason a much less-talented director can't as well). Ray likes pseudonyms and has directed many of his movies under different names. I'm guessing this has more to do with arcane union issues than anything else, but it does suggest the frightening idea that there are movies so bad, even Fred Olen Ray doesn't want his name attached to them. Here's one more piece of trivia regarding our director du jour: he moonlights as a professional wrestler named Freddie Valentine (a name, one must assume, that he came up with by imagining what the offspring of "Classy" Freddie Blasse and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine would be like) and is the champion of his own promotion, AVW, which holds its matches in the back of not very upscale drinking establishments (aka dive bars). Now you know. Share this information with a stranger and you might make a friend!
Meanwhile, the plot starts to begin as we return to the house from the pre-credit sequence, only we know it's now the present day because the for sale sign is tagged with satanic grafitti.
Call Satan what?
Having clearly established that this is the setting of our tale, we see a white van drive up towards the house. It stops and out comes Burt (popular character actor Dick Miller, who you will recognize even if you've only seen one movie or tv show in your entire life), who takes a--oddly long--moment to stop and stare at the house:
Dude, it's a house. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.
Following his bizarre moment of reflection, he returns to the van and reveals his cargo: he's transporting
Can you spot the "Final Girl" in this picture? I'll give you a hint: she's the shy "ugly" one.
Apparently these four young women have been hired by Burt to clean the
Burt then leaves and the girls enter the large mansion, armed only with their cleaning supplies and
One of these characters is a virgin, the others are not. Can you tell just by looking at them?
Here in order we have Jan (Stacey Nix), Terry (Suzanne Agar), Roxanne (Madison Stone) and Megan (Monique Gabrielle)2. While the other three look around the house and see what work lies ahead of them, Megan goes back outside to get the rest of their stuff, where she is surprised by a diminutive stranger:
"Henry Fucking Gibson gets to be in Nashville and I'm stuck playing the weird neighbor in this shit?
There is no justice in this world!"
It's Mr. Hinchlow, the next-door neighbor Burt mentioned earlier and he's played by that "wer-ry in-ter-esting..." dude! I'm assuming Ruth Buzzi wasn't available. Megan invites him inside to meet the other girls, where he proceeds to behave like any normal middle-aged man would when confronted with a roomful of attractive
In the next scene we learn that what they call a "basement" in California, would be called a garage in many other parts of the world, in so far as it is above ground and not connected to the house in any visible way. Another sure sign of a Fred Olen Ray film is this kind of devotion to the script. He knew that Roxanne's line quoted above would lack the same humorous jolt if she said garage instead of basement, so he has the characters continually refer to the structure as a basement even when it clearly isn't one. As a writer I truly appreciate this dedication to the written text.
"Isn't it great to work on a movie where you don't have to spend hours waiting for your co-star to get a chubby?"
Once inside the
As they
I believe this is Olde English in the Three Stooges dialect.
Which Ray courteously interprets for us onscreen as:
Odd Horror Movie Cliche #234: The strange habit of people from the past leaving trunks
that should not be opened in places where people can find and open them.
The girls open the trunk and find that it contains a serpentine dagger and a
All this
Death knows no dominion over a Carradine! Except for maybe Robert. He's lame.
It's David Carradine's nameless character from before! What's he doing here? Who the fuck knows? What we do know is that he doesn't come alone:
Seriously, did you see Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise? Death is definitely coming its way for Robert.
It's the
Back in the house, Roxanne--whose character has clearly been defined as "the slutty one"--asks her friends if they want to see "How [she] got [her] hooks into Biff Bullet, the football captain?" "Again?" responds Terry, but sweet, shy, "ugly" Megan is intrigued by Roxanne's
This sort of thing happens all of the time when girls are alone together, right? Right? I don't care if you lie to me, just tell me I'm right!
During the course of Roxanne's exhibitionistic routine, our director supplies us with one of his trademarked auteur touches--namely adding "whacky" sound effects to her movements. Even during scenes of completely nonsensical and gratuitous nudity, he attempts to tickle our funny bones! Megan is so moved by Roxanne's dancing that she feels compelled to awkwardly join in. Roxanne unbuttons her shirt and reveals a shocking surprise:
See I told you my censorship was too funny to do without!
Shy, smart, virginal, "ugly" Megan is rocking a killer bod!
Oh, okay this isn't much of a surprise, since anyone who is willingly sitting down and watching a Fred Olen Ray movie called Evil Toons has definitely seen Bachelor Party at least a dozen times in the course of their life. And the reason they have sat down and watched this Tom Hanks classic so many times is almost entirely due to the scene where Monique Gabrielle (our very own Megan) exposes herself in front of the future two-time Oscar winner. It is because of this that one might consider casting the actress in the role of the "homely" co-ed a bit insulting to our intelligence, were it not for a fact that said casting virtually guarantees a scene that is soon to come in the near future.
When Roxanne and the other two girls express amazement over the enormous charms of Megan's hithertoo unknown pulchritude, the shy "ugly" girl is embarassed and runs upstairs to be alone.
Before they can go up and apologize, a knock comes from the front door:
I'm not usually someone who cares about the little details, but where the hell did he get the brown paper, twine and felt pen
rquired to wrap up the book? Why didn't we get to see the scene where they suddenly appeared from out of nowhere?
Or did he run off to the post office while Roxanne was stripping?
It's that guy! The one who--for lack of better name at this point--I shall henceforth refer to as Strangey McStranger. He tells the girls that he has "a delivery" for them. Terry attempts to get him to go away by explaining that they don't own the house, but he forces her to accept his (inexplicably wrapped) package.
Note the impeccable frightened-descending-trio staging that Ray employs in this sequence.
Without any further explanation, Mr. McStranger disappears and leaves the girls with the where-the-hell-did-he-get-the-materials-to-wrap-it package. He then proceeds to do what he will continue to do until the final 5 minutes of the film:
No really, this will be how Carradine earns his paycheck for the rest of the film.
That's right. For virtually the entire movie David Carradine's performance will consist of random inserts of him standing somewhere on the house's property looking extremely unconcerned as the shit goes down. This is a very economical way to have your lead actor appear throughout the entire film, even though you only paid him for one day's worth of work. Ed Wood would be proud.
Back at Porn Star Manor, the girls have taken the package into the living room where they follow its written instructions and open it up, revealing the shitty talking book from the beginning. But at this point the book stays quiet as they thumb through its pages, revealing a drawing of our soon to be unleashed monster.
Amazingly this drawing is actually a much better rendering of the creature than we will--briefly--be exposed to later on in the proceedings.
As they look through the book, the action moves upstairs, where the scene I alluded to earlier is finally beginning. Y'see with the character of Megan, Ray decided to get ambitious. Instead of simply making her the movie's Final Girl (read Scary Movies or--better yet--Carol J. Clover's Men, Women and Chainsaws: Gender in Modern Horror Movies for a description of this important horror movie archetype), he also threatens to turn her into a Chrysalis character--a less frequently seen, but still very cliche character in the b-movie pantheon. The Chrysalis character is a person of either gender who has kept their true self hidden from the world, but who will--as the film progresses--gradually transform into who they really are (it's also fair to refer to these characters as Ugly Duckling or Cinderella characters, but I like my phrase better). While there are different rules for male versions of these characters, it is de rigeur for their female counterpoints to have a scene in their respective movies where they stare at themselves in a mirror, revealing to us the hidden selves they have yet to share with the world. These moments are very popular in b-movies, because they allow us a chance to look at a naked actress
The only mistake Ray makes in this scene is that he doesn't have Megan take off her glasses,
which in a moment like this is almost as important as seeing her yabbos.
Unfortunately Ray is only willing to go so far with this archetypal duality and essentially abandons the Chrysalis arc before it even has a chance to begin. It's almost as if all he wanted was a shot of the actress' lovely bosom and nothing more.
Anyway, as Megan finishes taking in the gloriousity of her cans, she puts on a shapeless nightgown and Roxanne appears to tell her about the book, which is written in a language they hope Megan--with all her fancy shy "ugly" girl booklearnin'--can interpret.
Since this is a bad movie, it's a lock that Megan has taken all the right classes and recognizes the text as having been composed in ancient Latin. She admits that her interpretation is "kinda rough," but that doesn't stop her from reading it aloud:
Note how in-the-moment Ms. Stone appears to be in this shot.
I guess she was too busy learning how to fake stuff more important than interest during her other filmed roles.
"Demons of the mind...hear this summons...give of our energy to that...of the unliving...for that which lives not...may never die," reads the first part of the text. "We the devoted slaves...give of our bodies...that thou may live...but a life and a death...we beg of you...answer our pleas," reads the rest. Megan than admits that she can't read the rest since "Ancient demon incantations aren't covered until next semester," but that doesn't stop her from reading a footnote. "In the name of God...if you value your immortal soul...never, ever, ever, ever, read the above incantation aloud...and I mean don't never."
Luckily this warning comes just as the girls--who have the attention spans of infant fruit flies--lose interest in the book and decide to head to bed. Megan, Terry and Jan go upstairs where they have set up their sleeping blankets, while Roxanne stays downstairs, since she is expecting a visit from Biff, the football captain she mentioned earlier.
For reasons best left unconsidered, Jan and Terry proceed, once they have made it upstairs, to change out of their comfortable looking pajamas into far less comfortable looking lingerie:
Sheesh, these girls have only been in the place for a couple hours and they've already changed more than I do in a week.
Meanwhile, back downstairs Ms. Stone is about to give an epic comic tour de force performance in which she attempts to open a bottle of alcohol:
It's enough to make you wonder what Buster Keaton would have been like if he was a hot porn star
instead of an old dude in movies that didn't have sound in them.
(Also note the important, yet also completely irrelevent, insert of Carradine staring into space)
Unfortunately for Roxanne, her many attempts to open the bottle serve to distract her from the
Behold! It's the Tasmanian Devil's lesser known cousin, Taffy!
Now I know what you're thinking--this movie is called Evil Toons, so it should contain more than one evil cartoon character.
And rich people should care about poor people.
You folks are so naive.
Yes, this is the lone "toon" of Evil Toons and as cheap as he looks, he was apparently too expensive to appear in the film for longer than 80 seconds.
Literally.
Call me crazy, but I think the first rule of low budget filmmaking should be "Don't make a film whose concept depends on an animated monster, when you can only afford 80 seconds of cheap animation." But Fred Olen Ray doesn't play by the rules and he finds a way to work around this seemingly insurmountable limitation.
Finally having gotten the bottle open, Roxanne enters the living room and is spied upon by the
It would be a lie for me to say I could draw a better looking monster than this, but it wouldn't be a big lie.
Following the example set by Jan and Terry, Roxanne then proceeds to take off her perfectly sensible bedtime ensemble in favour of a much more
Y'see it's funny because that's my head covering her naughty parts!
This gives the cartoon beast a chance to pull some of his best Tex Avery moves:
Once Roxanne has gotten "dressed", Ray wastes precious seconds of his monster's screentime teasing us before the inevitable attack finally occurs:
I don't know why, but this is wronger than most wrong things.
Roxanne's screams echo through the house as she fights against the monster, waking her friends from their slumber. But instead of assuming that she is being attacked, they mistake her cries for shouts of ecstacy, believing that she is at that moment enjoying
"Giggle. Tee-Hee. They're doing it!"
Even though Roxanne had just managed to get her bra on, the monster licks it off and she is once again topless. This isn't enough to keep him entertained, so he goes in for the kill:
Her screaming sounds just like this still suggests it does.
For a moment Ray teases us with the suggestion that Strangey McStranger is about to become relevent to the plot when we see him inside the house watching Roxanne being killed:
"Sorry Ray, but you're only paying me enough for one expression."
He doesn't.
Upstairs Megan decides to investigate Roxanne's screaming, as she grows concerned that they sounded a little too frightened to be just plain old climaxes.
Anticipating this the monster makes his next move--the one that will save Ray a buttload of cash:
I do have to give it to Ray, his frequent use of nudity does make me want to forgive his failure to capture the same magic
Zemeckis was able to bottle with his Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
And thus for the rest of the movie, the part of the monster will be played by a porn star. And you know what? I don't mind a bit. Truth be told I probably would have made an effort to see this movie a lot sooner than I did if it was called Evil Porn Star, which just goes to show that sometimes a lack of a good budget can lead a filmmaker to come up with even better ideas than the ones they started out with.
So instead of finding a cartoon monster, Megan finds her friend standing at the bottom of the stairs topless and covered in blood. This causes Megan to ask all of the relevent questions, which Evil Roxanne answers by telling her that she cut herself opening a bottle of wine and had to take off her shirt before it got ruined.
Now since the monster is evil and wants to kill everyone, you think it would take this opportunity to kill Megan, but you forget that the shy "ugly" girl with the centerfold chasis is the movie's Final Girl, which means she can't die. So instead of killing her Evil Roxanne tells her to go back to bed, which she does, allowing the killer porn star to greet her next victim:
There's something about blond-haired men that just makes me incredibly sad.
Evil Roxanne makes quick work of the dimbulb football captain, showing him what big teeth she has:
Somehow I seriously doubt she could get away with this look in her other films. You can guess why.
(Hint: it's because she gave blow jobs in them)
And once again Strangey McStranger watches it happen and does nothing:
"Give me ten bucks and I might consider cocking an eyebrow."
At this point, for the first and only time in the film, the action switches from the house to another location. We're now in Burt's (remember Burt? scroll up a long ways if you don't) appartment where he is watching--in another
As much as a mistake as it is to remind people of better movies in your film, it's downright suicidal to include an actual scene from one.
The movie, for all of you non-geeks, is Roger Corman's classic quickie A Bucket of Blood, in which a young Mr. Miller played the murderous wannabe-beatnik Walter Paisley. Burt spends a loooooooonnnnnnggggggggggg time watching the clip (at one point wondering aloud why "...this guy never got an Oscar?" Finally, the tedium of watching someone else watch television is interrupted when his phone rings.
A brief digression if you will. One of my pet peeves are scenes where characters allow their telephone to ring for far longer than anyone would reasonably wait before they hung up, even though they are sitting right next to the phone. Dude, your phone is ringing! You don't have an answering machine or caller ID, so pick the motherfucker up!
When Burt finally answers his phone, he discovers that its Mr. Hinchlow calling to tell him that he's heard screams coming from the mansion and he is worried about the safety of the girls. One may wonder why Hinchlow is calling Burt with this information, rather than the police, who might be better equipped to deal with it, but if you do you probably shouldn't be watching movies like this. You have much better things to do with your amazing gifts of insight.
Reluctantly, Burt decides to leave his apartment to check on the girls, but before he can go he is stopped by his attractive young wife, who reminds him that it's Friday night and time to
Those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile may recognize this actress as Michelle Bauer,
who made my list of my top 10 favourite b-movie actresses. She's appeared in many of Ray's films, in both starring roles
and short cameos like this one. And guess what? She too meets the porn star criteria that was apparently
so important during Evil Toons casting sessions, having appeared in several blue movies early in her career under the pseudonym Pia Snow.
Much mirth is had in the fact that Burt is unimpressed with this gesture and laments the frequency of Friday nights. Get it? He's an old dude who doesn't want to have sex with his hot young wife! Isn't that totally the opposite of what you would expect? There, my friends, lies the heart of true comedy.
Able to resist his wife's amplitude, Burt leaves to check on the girls, while back at the house Megan has once again been awoken by the sound of screaming, this time from Biff. She goes downstairs to investigate and is horrified by what she finds:
Ms. Gabrielle was clearly directed by Ray to break the fourth wall every time she screamed in the movie.
This is nowhere near as cute as he seems to think it is.
Megan's screams finally alert Terry and Jan to the reality that a-doings are transpirin' (to steal a favourite phrase from The Simpsons). They arrive downstairs just in time to see Biff's dead body and hear a knock at the door. It's Burt, who apparently lives very close by. Not wanting to risk losing their jobs (and thus the $100 they've each been promised) they try to stall him at the door:
I'm going to take a guess and say that Megan represents Shemp, Jan represents Larry and Terry is obviously Moe.
Leaving Burt standing outside, the frightened trio work at hiding Biff's body. But unbeknowst to them, Evil Roxanne has gone outside to meet him. She tells him that the explanation for what's been happening in the house is in the
He is and he gets some. He goes over to her, she pulls down his pants and then gets all teethy with it:
It's like vagina dentata only with the teeth being in the girl's mouth instead! Wait...Let me rethink that for a sec
Back in the house, the girls have successfully hidden Biff's body. Back in the living room they find Roxanne's bloody bra and the shitty book. Megan notes that the page with the drawing of the cartoonish beast is now blank. This almost seems like some kind of clue! This spurs her to read some more of the book, where she learns that the only way to kill the monster she released by having previously read aloud from the book is by stabbing it with the dagger they discovered earlier. Having read this, they then proceed to do what any trio of attractive young women would do in a movie like this: they leave the dagger on the living room table and go investigate the
See, they're not as stupid as you think--they brought a flashlight with them.
At first they find nothing
I wonder if Suzanne Agar acted all prissy on the set because she was the only "serious" actress in the cast.
I bet she did.
Bitch.
Luckily her friends are quick to point out her faux pas:
They do this for a long time while Terry just keeps going "What?" Ray thinks this is funny.