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The House of Glib Weekly Taste Test: Premiere Edition
posted Friday, 1 April 2005
To alleviate the strain of having to constantly be original on this blog, I have decided to come up with some regular features that I can fall back on when the muses decide to get all prissy and refuse to return my phone calls (lousy stuck up Greek skanks, think they're so great). Today is the premiere of the first of these weekly fallbacks, which--as you sussed out by reading this entry's title--is The House of Glib Weekly Taste Test.
Since I'm still struggling with the cold I picked up this weekend, I've decided that todays test will feature the three cough syrups I have been taking these past four days. They are Vicks Nyquil Adult Nightime Cold/Flu Medicine, Benylin Extra Strength Chest Cough and Cold and Buckley's Mixture Sirop. Since the purpose of this test is simply to analyze their taste, I have decided not to take into account which of these three actually did the best job of making me feel better or any of their potentially unpleasant side effects, beyond their relevent aftertastes.
1) Vicks Nyquil Adult Nightime Cold/Flu Medicine: Of the three, I think the Nyquil definitely wins out for design and convenience, as it comes in the most aesthecally pleasing bottle and includes a small plastic cup with a handy measuring line on the side, eliminating the need for any spoons. The instructions tell me that 30 ML is the reccomended dosage, which corresponds with the line on the cup. The syrup is a thick, viscous, cherry red, with an appealing aroma that brings back memories of days spent away from school, happily coughing and sniffling away while watching Deal of the Century and Password. The syrup's colour turns out not to be an accident, as the taste of cherry works valiently against the heavy medicinal aftertaste, which reminds the palate of a strong mouthwash. Still, the effect is not as unpleasant as it could be, and the lingering taste of alcohal is easily expelled with a single sip of Lipton Brisk Lemon Iced Tea.
2) Benylin Extra Strength Chest Cough and Cold: This is the syrup I am most familiar with, as it is the one my mother made me take back in the day. Its bottle is dark, as if it is hiding something, and it does not come with a cup, so a potentially messy spoon is required. The reccomended doasge is only a third of that of the Nyquil, 10 ML or two teaspoons. Annoyed by not having the more conveniant cup. I pour out the first spoonful and see that the Benylin is also red, but not nearly as dark as the Nyquil. It too attempts a cherry flavor, but it seems to chicken out as soon as it hits the tongue and doesn't even come close to obscuring the taste of the medicine. This is confirmed with the second spoonful, where the aftertaste is so strong it requires half a can of iced tea to quell its fury. At one third of the dose, Benylin packs a far stronger punch than the Nyquil.
3) Buckley's Mixture Sirop: Immediately annoyed by the way it spells syrup on the bottle, I approach this final cold remedy with some trepidation, as the company's whole advertising campaign is based on the fact that their product tastes awful, but--not wanting to be a slave to the corporate ad-persons on Madison Ave.--I choose not to believe the hype. The bottle is the least pleasing of the three; brown, like the Benylin, it is far too short and stubby to have any aesthetic appeal (and I know all about being short and stubby). Its recommended dosage is the same as the Benylin, but--annoyed by once again having to use the spoon--I decide to thoroughly clean out the Nyquil cup and pour the required 10 ML into it. Good taste forbids me from going into overly graphic detail describing what the "syrop" looks like, but looking at it filled me with the same apprehension the beginning porno starlet must feel when her director hands her a shot glass and tells her to "Pretend like you like it." As I emptied the cup into my mouth, I immediately realized that the porn star had the easier gig. The first sensation I felt was pain, similar to that which is commonly experienced when a friend hands you a shot at the end of the night and refuses to tell you what it is until you've downed it, only much, much worse. The most dominent taste is menthol, with a hint of battery acid mixed in. Tears are brought to the eyes and a full can of iced tea is required to rid this evil from my tastes buds.
Conclusion: Vicks Nyquil Adult Nightime Cold/Flu Medicine is the clear winner. Even at triple the dosage it is far easier on the palate than the others, plus it comes with the cup, which is a major bonus. The Benylin Extra Strength Chest Cough and Cold comes in second, but only because the Buckley's Mixture Sirop is easily the most vile thing I have ever put into my mouth (and this is from the guy who once drank a whole bottle of Sprite Ice, the soft drink that tasted like toothpaste). Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wrap this up because--for some reason--I'm starting to feel a little drowsy.
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